First Draft for Introductory Letter.
Subject: Introducing me
Dear Professor Blackstone,
I trust this email finds you well. My name is Irham Baharudin and am currently pursuing Civil Engineering at Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT). The primary objective of this email is to formally introduce myself to you.
I embarked on my journey in engineering after obtaining a diploma in mechanical engineering from Ngee Ann Polytechnic. Initially, I did not have any interest or passion in engineering. My perspective changed when I underwent an internship back when I was in year 3. It sparked a fire in my heart. The burning desire for engineering was alight. I was exposed to how beautiful engineering was. The way everything worked in tandem, perfectly. Hence, I decided to pursue engineering as a career.
However, I acknowledge a weakness in my communication is that I sometimes lack a filter in my choice of words. This lack of filter may be perceived as arrogance or rudeness. Hence, I would like to take this opportunity to further improve myself through your lesson by learning how to properly use the correct words.
Another area I would like to improve on is to be more confident in presenting my ideas to a large audience. I believe there will be lots of chances to practice presenting during your class. I understand how critical it is to develop this skill. As future engineers, the need to present clearly and concisely to an audience is a much-needed skill.
In essence, as a person, my guiding principle is: “Sincerity”. I approach everything I do with genuine intent creating an environment where learning and leadership are rooted in sincerity. I am committed to teaching the ones that want to be taught and leading the ones who want to be led.
I appreciate your time in reading my letter and look forward to the enriching experiences your class will undoubtedly offer.
Best regards,
Irham
Hi Irham, your letter is concise and easy to understand. I hope you become an engineer you aspired to be!
ReplyDeleteHello Irham, your letter effectively presented your introduction, and the use of the term "Sincerity" to portray yourself enhances my comprehension of who you are.
ReplyDeleteHi Irham,
ReplyDeleteFrom our conversations together, I know you're well-spoken, and the trend continues in your writings as well.
You noted a background in mechanical engineering, but the prose following after strikes me as... confusing. These are short and sweet sentences, but they don't lead anywhere? Perhaps the prose reflects the puzzle pieces falling into place, spontaneously dropping you onto the path of engineering. But personally, I would've liked reading about a more substantial example of what attracted you to engineering.
Active listening, that's something I need to work on. Conversing with you is engaging, and I believe that's because you know how to work the rhythm of a conversation. Definitely a strength many could do well to learn.
Lacking a filter. Inherently not bad. Rather than picking up a filter and using it all the time, in my opinion, it's more of knowing *when* to apply a filter. Though, in my ideal world, we could use more people in the world who'd give words to people straight, and more people who'd take those words well.
Sincerity. Not much of that going around in the world. I'm grateful to have that from you, and here's to both teaching and learning.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Irham, thanks for this letter.
ReplyDeleteFrom our communications lesson, I do take notice of your strength as an active listener. You always seem to have a great answer for every question you get asked from professor Blackstone. This simply proves that you are an active listener, always making sure to take in information and truly understanding what is being explain. Your well thought out answers also show that you have a deep understanding of any topic discuss as well as the ability to take in knowledge quickly. I hope to learn from your footsteps and also improve in being an active listener. I tend to zone out at time during long lessons as i lack focus. This is something I will need to work on and hopefully through this module I will be able to improve.
You stated that an interest in engineering developed after going through your internship during polytechnic. However, you did not explain exactly what sparked your interest during this internship experience. Could it be a particular project you worked on or any site visits during your internship term that increased your interest in the engineering field? In my opinion, it would be better to state what exactly caused the spark in your interest in engineering.
Hope we can both help each other out and improve as we go through this module!
Thank you,
Mudz
Dear Irham,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this informative letter. In it you address the key areas of the brief, doing so with a good degree of development. For example, I like the way you suggest that your internship "sparked a fire in my heart." What I'd like to know in more detail is how that happened. What exactlly lit the fire?
You seem to aim for more depth in describing how active listening is of great importance for you, a "cornerstone" even. Still, I'd like to see an outcome presented. Within your family, or friends, how has such listening contributed to a deepening of the communication or feelings. That sort of example would resonate with the reader.
I'm impressed by the way you bring this letter to a close, stating that "learning and leadership are rooted in sincerity," and you insinuate that you see yourself in such roles. That is a noble thought, one that I hope you have the opportunity to put into action.
This is a mostly fluent post, but there are a couple language issues to take note of:
1. spelling and the overuse of caps
-- The burning desire for engineering was alight. > ?
-- ...currently pursuing Civil Engineering. > ?
2. sentence structure
-- As future engineers, the need to present clearly and concisely to an audience is a much-needed skill. > (dangling modifier: Look at the phrase "as future engineers" and its relationshop to the noun phrase "the need." Imagine changing "the" to "we." How does that change the sentence meaning?)
I look forward to our work together further this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Hi Irham,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your thoughtful introduction, it is pleasure to get to know you better.
It is fascinating how an internship experience can ignite a passion and your shift towards engineering demonstrates a deep appreciation for the beauty of the field.
Importance of listening and actively seeking to understand perspective is a valuable skill that fosters meaningful connection with your peers and family. I appreciate your self-awareness regarding the potential lack of filter in your choice of words. Your commitment to improve in this aspect is commendable step towards personal growth and effective communication.
I appreciate your eagerness to enrich your experiences in the class and your active participation will contribute to vibrant and engaging learning environment.
Thank you for sharing once again!
Cheers,
Nabil Khairi